By the Time the Opening Ceremony Finished, I’d Forgotten There Was a Match
I switched on last night to watch a football match.
That, at least, was the plan.
What I actually got was an opening ceremony.
Now, I have nothing against opening ceremonies. If people want to dance about, wave flags and set off enough fireworks to alarm passing aircraft, that’s entirely their business.
My question is simply this:
Why?
When did football become the supporting act at its own tournament?
In my day, the opening ceremony consisted of two teams walking onto a pitch, shaking hands and getting on with it. Nobody felt the need for a giant inflatable globe, a laser display or a singer suspended forty feet above the centre circle.
Yet here we are.
By the time the evening’s entertainment had finished, I’d seen dancers, drummers, singers, fireworks and enough flashing lights to guide ships safely into harbour.
I was beginning to wonder whether anyone had remembered to bring a football.
The television presenters didn’t help.
Every five minutes somebody appeared to explain that this was a historic occasion.
I know it’s a historic occasion.
That’s why I switched on.
Then came the inevitable celebrity appearances.
Now, I freely admit that I am getting older, but there comes a point where a man has to ask himself whether he’s genuinely out of touch or whether celebrities are simply being invented faster than he can learn their names.
Half the people being cheered appeared to have become famous for being famous.
By this stage, I’d made a cup of tea, eaten two biscuits and briefly considered going to bed.
Still no football.
The strange thing is that when the match finally started, all the dancing, singing, fireworks and speeches were instantly forgotten.
Nobody was talking about the lasers.
Nobody cared about the giant screens.
Nobody was discussing the choreography.
Everyone was watching the football.
Which rather suggests that the football was the interesting bit all along.
Perhaps I’m old-fashioned.
Perhaps I simply don’t understand modern sport.
Or perhaps if people buy a ticket to a football tournament, it’s because they’d quite like to watch some football.
Anyway, what do I know?
I’m just a grumpy old man.
